Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Today, according to the calendar, is the first day of spring. It is a renewal of life after the cold, harsh winter, where everything is snowbound, trees lose their leaves, birds stop flying, and only predatory animals are there on the move: wolves, bears and such.

So, to celebrate spring (in a sense, because we don't celebrate) I would like to tell you some things that Babuji Maharaj told me when he was very ill, towards the end of his life, and we were actually in Switzerland. For three days the doctors said, "There is no hope." Addressing me they said, "There is no hope that you can take him back alive to India." But I never lost hope because I had seen Babuji Maharaj swing back from one extreme to another, almost in seconds. But on that occasion, he was so upset with himself. I said, "Babuji, why are you upset with yourself? There is nobody to match you in this world. Your Master is very happy with you as you keep on saying. And why this sudden situation of despair, despondency?" - because he was quite determined to go. He said, "I want to go." I said, "We are going to India in a few days." He said, "No, I want to go There." I said, "But, Babuji, what will we do without you?" - taking a selfish standpoint, you know. He said, "People like you, maybe there are only a few, two or three, you will get on because you have me in your heart. But the rest of our abhyasi brotherhood don't consider me at all. They only come to me to take. Eternally they want to take. I am willing to give them the whole universe, if they could but do the meditation properly, and in one sitting I can do it, but all that they bring me is their unhappiness, their sickness and their anger against me." He used these words - "They are angry with me because I don't solve their problems." He said, "I am telling you, Parthasarathi. I need Lalaji's permission for everything that I do. It is not a question of whether I can do it or not. If Lalaji permits, I can do anything, including spinning the world like a top. But without his permission, I cannot even have a drink of water."

Please register these words carefully in your hearts, because his despair was not because Lalaji was angry with him, or he was not capable, but because abhyasis, barring a few, were only trying to put their egos in front of him, their demands for material welfare, for material growth, and so on and so forth. And when he could not do it because he was not permitted to do it by Lalaji Maharaj, they turned against him. I said, "Babuji, but surely Lalaji understands all this." He said, "No, Parthasarathi. I feel miserable because I have come under the compulsion of abhyasis." In Hindi, murabbat, as opposed to love - muhabbat. "Mein abhyasiyon ke murabbat mein phans gaya hoon - I have been caught up in their compulsions. I have said yes to every foolish request, every silly demand, so that I feel that today the Mission is in this condition because of me only. And if I go to the Brighter World, what face shall I show to my Guru?"

You see? It was a moment of extreme despair for him - how he would face his Master in the Brighter World. Because, instead of being disciplined, instead of refusing or denying so many requests that he should not have acceded to, of a non-spiritual nature, he said yes to everything. Then he said something very important. He said, "In this condition I can do so much. If only my abhyasis would keep me happy, then they will see what I really can do."

See, this sentence is to be hammered into your hearts. If you can't accept it, somebody should hammer it. Keep your Master happy under all circumstances. Don't pit your desire against his plans. The Master has no desires. He has only plans: plans for the Mission, plans for the abhyasis - all for the welfare of the abhyasis, nothing for himself.

I have spent so much time with my Babuji Maharaj. Sometimes he ate half a roti, and a small katori [cup] of daal. He was permanently ill. He was on a sort of a tightrope - morning, one, evening, another: constipation/diarrhoea, sickness/health, morose/smiling, cheerful. You have not seen him, most of you. He was on that delicate knife-edge, balanced between two opposites of life. And all that he wanted was our cooperation. All that he wanted was for us to agree to what he said. He said, "Build the ashram here" - build it here. "Build it there" - build it there. But we are quarrelling now! "This ashram must not be here, it must be there. It must face this way, and not this way."

I remember when we had the inauguration of the Shahjahanpur ashram. I had gone with him all round the previous day before the inauguration, and he was eminently happy with everything. It was the first ashram that he had built personally, and he was so joyful that he would gift it to Lalaji Maharaj as his guru dakshina (offering to the guru).

On the inauguration day after the satsangh, one young fellow came and said, "Babuji, it is not good to have thirteen windows." It so happened that there were four sides to that ashram. It is a sort of an octagonal structure; on four long sides there are windows, and there are thirteen windows on each side. Babuji Maharaj said, "I am sorry I did not consult you before I built it." Look at his humility! I told the young man, "Don't be stupid. Thirteen into four are fifty-two. That is the number of weeks in a year." And he went away very happy, you see.

All of us today are like that. We want our satisfaction, our opinion, our plan to be accepted. And there are some centres that have been eminently troublesome to Babuji in his lifetime, and subsequently. I caution all of you who wish to pit your intelligence and your will to do wrong against your Master's will. You may win battles here, but it will not take you one step further in spirituality. Because from a wounded heart, from a sorrowful heart of a Master, what will you get except tears? He will still struggle to do what is good for you, but your attitude of mistrust, of self-importance, of arrogance, and the pride that you can stop his work, will definitely doom you to several lives on earth. And remember what Babuji Maharaj said, "Such a time as this may not come for thousands of years again." These spiritual doors are not open like elephant doors. They open, and by divine command they stay open for as long as Divinity wishes. And when Divinity says, "Bus! [Enough!]" nothing in the universe can open that door except divine will again.

I would like you all to listen to this, if it is recorded, again and again. Clear your minds. Tell yourself that your individual ego is not worth a grain of sand. Tell yourself that you may oppose, but you cannot stop. Tell yourself that however big, however important, however rich, however powerful, however intellectual you are, before Him you are as nothing. I pray for you all.